You don’t deny your man the ass. You give it to him. Because once he knows he can have that… he ain’t gonna want that shit anymore.

Put down those shuffleboard sticks. Marcy’s coming to suck your dicks!

What is a marriage, if not an opportunity to mock someone through thick and thin while simultaneously exploring your deepest darkest sexual desires?

You must be looking like Art Garfunkel down there lately.

My dirty little whore of a nose is sorry that she let you down. But she loves you so much she’s willing to go chill out at her mother’s.

Honey trust me, getting your asshole bleached would be much more fun.

Going to my mother’s makes me want to do drugs! A lot of ‘em!

I think we should go out there and fuck all the people we never fucked. Let’s just rock out with our cocks out! Carpe motherfucking diem, baby!

I don’t wanna go where Hank has been. He probably left booby traps up there like the Vietcong.

Do you know how hard it is to get a girl off? It is like disconnecting a bomb. I mean, there’s all these wires and shit down there. Who knows which one you’re supposed to cross or pull. Plus, the studies show that the female orgasm is, like, what, 99% mental. Who has time for that?!