Take it easy there, Diane Arbus. Don’t have a coronary, ’cause I wouldn’t know how to explain that to your wife.

I think I just lost my manhood. And got hungry at the same time.

You kicked my dick out of the house. You made my dick homeless. “Out of doors” is a place where penises don’t fare well – in the rain and the wind and all that… My homeless dick now must seek shelter from the storm where and whence it can.

I’m trying to mentally masturbate about it, but an image of you keeps popping. That’s a problem.

A morning of awkwardness is far better than a night of loneliness

I miss your smell. When you left, I couldn’t wash the sheets because I didn’t want to lose that completely… You. And… it fucked me up for a long time because I would wake up and I’d smell you and I’d think you were there. And that would… My heart would break all over again. I think that’s why I go in for the kiss all the time. I know, yeah. I think I’m going for… another hit.

Don’t you sometimes wish you had two cocks? I do.

What, there’s no bodily functions at the deanery? Just catered affairs?

At the end of the day, it’s all about her. It’s always been about her

Yo, KFed, the little man in the boat? He’s up here, that’s where he is!