Yo, KFed, the little man in the boat? He’s up here, that’s where he is!

Did you ever have one of those days where you feel like a tired, old whore whose uterus is about to fall out? I think I’m in touch with that emotion.

Take it easy there, Diane Arbus. Don’t have a coronary, ’cause I wouldn’t know how to explain that to your wife.

I think I just lost my manhood. And got hungry at the same time.

You kicked my dick out of the house. You made my dick homeless. “Out of doors” is a place where penises don’t fare well – in the rain and the wind and all that… My homeless dick now must seek shelter from the storm where and whence it can.

I’m trying to mentally masturbate about it, but an image of you keeps popping. That’s a problem.

A morning of awkwardness is far better than a night of loneliness

I miss your smell. When you left, I couldn’t wash the sheets because I didn’t want to lose that completely… You. And… it fucked me up for a long time because I would wake up and I’d smell you and I’d think you were there. And that would… My heart would break all over again. I think that’s why I go in for the kiss all the time. I know, yeah. I think I’m going for… another hit.

“She’s my sister, my daughter, my sister… Oh, I’ll never figure it out without a cock in me!”

All you haters can go fellate yourselves. Always whining about L.A., and how New York is like a holy land. Well, go the fuck… Move back there.

Have you ever spent time with an 11-year-old boy and wanted more from him than he was willing to give? Have you ever breathed in the scent of a woman’s sweaty, unwashed sex and just wanted to bottle and sell it at market? Have you ever been so drunk on cock you howled at the moon and begged for a few inches more?

Don’t you sometimes wish you had two cocks? I do.

What, there’s no bodily functions at the deanery? Just catered affairs?

All work and no ass-play makes Chuck a dull boy.