Make me an offer, I’ll counter the shit out of it. We will handle this like the proud, beautiful black men we are.

Don’t tell me what to feel. All my fucking life, people have been telling me I do things wrong. I’m always the fucking asshole. I look around and I see everybody else is infinitely more fucked up than I am.

There’s not a woman that I’ve met that I haven’t fallen in love with, whether it was for 10 minutes or 10 years.

That fucker is the horniest man I’ve ever met! He’ll be pitching a tent on his deathbed.

We are not talking! We are not fucking! Nothing is happening!

I am not going to a fucking shrink! I’m a writer! I don’t give that shit away.

Life’s too short to dance with fat chicks.

You should live with someone who everyday reminds you how fucking lucky you are to be with them!

I think that’s the good thing about never being married. It’s impossible to divorce.

Okay, so who do I have to fuck to get a cocktail around here?