Take it easy there, Diane Arbus. Don’t have a coronary, ’cause I wouldn’t know how to explain that to your wife.

I find interesting to hear these people ranting and raving about saving the environment when they’ll probably blow like 10 000 pounds of fuel on their private jet planes getting down to Cabo this weekend. That’s right, babs. You heard me. Tell Oprah I said so. Put that in your pipe and smoke it, ladies.

I want to be a 40-year-old virgin. Because it seems like, once you get laid, your life basically turns to shit.

Talk, really? Has anything good ever come of such a thing ever?

You need a double dose of Viagra to get wood and you wear a fanny pack on the weekends.

Time to hang up your drinking shoes, lady.

One minute, I am sailing along, I’m being the guy who would never, ever cheat on his wife. The next second, I’m spanking the bare, naked ass of a 22-year-old girl.

If you’re having problems in the boudoir, it’s worth a conversation with the old lady.

Well, that’s what I do. I entertain.

Now I’m Hank Moody the blogger, soon to be Hank Moody the bartender.