I think I just lost my manhood. And got hungry at the same time.

A morning of awkwardness is far better than a night of loneliness

Hell-A Magazine blog number one. Hank hates you all. A few things I’ve learned in my travels through this crazy little thing called life. One: a morning of awkwardness is far better than a night of loneliness. Two: I probably won’t go down in history, but I will go down on your sister. And three: while I’m down there, it might be nice to see a hint of pubis. I’m not talking about a huge’70s playboy bush or anything, just something that reminds me that I’m performing cunnilingus on an adult. But I guess the larger question is,  why is the city of angels so hell-bent on destroying its female population?

You must be looking like Art Garfunkel down there lately.

There’s nothing quite like getting stoned on the very bed that your ex-domestic partner shares with her fiancé. It’s the little things.

Your voice is a shotgun blast to all the pretentious fucks who pollute this once-great city of yours.

Well, instead of finding out that your husband was gay, you could’ve found out that he was a…scientologist or something like that. Or a Nazi. Or Al Qaeda.

I probably won’t go down in history, but I will go down on your sister

Nobody likes you. You’re ugly and your mother dresses you funny. Now smile, you fucking douche.

I’m a writer. Non practicing.